Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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