now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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