I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
