you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
