____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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