Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
