oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just pee around me
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
