You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
