woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Someone shattered a urinal.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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