She is in my trunk
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Randomize
