drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
