Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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