her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
