8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
