I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
