yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
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