Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
