note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
