He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
