Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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