Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
