spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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