He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
