I am in a vortex of obligation.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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