addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
