Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
