Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
