Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
