talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
