he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
