haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
