A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Pants 0. Shit 1.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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