she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
