hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
ttyl tear gas
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
