I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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