PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
