You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
