I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
two words...techno handjob
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
