Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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