why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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