There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
