hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
