just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just googled if crying burns calories
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
