Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
