Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
