Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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