First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The uberlube is also flammable
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
