I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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