Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
