i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
