listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
