Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
