I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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